JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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