No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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