peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize