I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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