remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
