You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
