tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
