i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
