I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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