I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
