If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
