Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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