sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My cat gives me a boner
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
