Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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