dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
