Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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