but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS