he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Drunk walkin through police station. America
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
