I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
