I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
two words...techno handjob
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Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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