It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.