We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.