so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
