Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.