textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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