He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
