we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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