If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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