dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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