Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I still have a little drunk in my system
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Someone signed my nipple.
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