I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
