I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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