turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
