you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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