def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
