i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fuck me I smell like cheese
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
