i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
