you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
