That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
