the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
When are your genitals available?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
