I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
