You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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