Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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