I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
