if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
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So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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