Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
