my mouth tastes like poor choices
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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