I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
