I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
