I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
