Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
