its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
