Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
