dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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