im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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