There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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