If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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