He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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