After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
pop tarts are not kleenex
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
