He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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