You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
