He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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