Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
