Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
