I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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