i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
