I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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