Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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