They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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