Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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