On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am naked and annoyed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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