Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We had to coat check the pizza.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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