Someone shit on the floor
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize