A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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