so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do vagina's smell?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
