i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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