I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
