She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
