just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
